The Demise of the Yoga Class by Terry McLafferty

Jim used to like his yoga…all that twisting up and down

Three times a week he used to go…in a hall just north of town

He was pretty fit then…jumping out of his skin

And all the little fillies…well…they’d often invite him in

He gobbled down his muesli, had fresh fruit every day

He stayed away from caffeine… and beer…well…no way

He kept a secret diary…logging all his attributes

With notes of all his measurements…from his head down to his boots

Now this went on for many years…until a class a while ago

When stretching out upon the floor…Jim felt his bladder go

He could feel it coming…but he couldn’t do a thing

Well, not in that position…with his legs wrapped round his ring

A little show was followed…by a great enormous gush

There wasn’t much that Jim could do…but just sit there…and blush

The gush became a torrent…it flowed across the floor

And before too long the whole damn class…was washed out through the door

But the tide of piss kept flowing on…it became a raging flood

It knocked down four old shearing sheds…that belonged to Farmer Rudd

It carried all before it…now the whole village was in strife

The Council crier yelling…“Run for your bloody life”

Helicopters flew above…with a host of TV crews

Jimmy’s little piddle was about…to make the National news

The drought has broke one farmer called…but I cannot see a cloud

Just a lot a people swimmin’…jeez there’s sure a bloody crowd

Then it seems that poor old Jim…was now busting for a fart

He tried real hard to stop himself…but then his cheeks began to part

But his gut was in no mood for stop…that gas had to escape

And so it did…and when it did… was like a cyclone from the cape

Now the flood that had engulfed the town…was joined by a wind so strong

That it blew down all before it…it even carried sheep along

The air was full of pigs and ducks…and an old lady in a chair

It gusted high…it gusted low…it gusted everywhere

Now it took a while for that urine flow…to eventually recede

People started asking questions…to find out who had peed

And who had dropped that darkie…the fart that came from hell

And smashed their town to smithereens…it seems that nought would tell

Jim had crept home and stayed alone…to avoid the nasty jeers

Of that terrible experience…so unpleasant it brought tears

But then…all of a sudden…the deadly gas built up again

And Jim had to let another one go …this one a damn force ten

It took him out the window…he was headed for the moon

He flew around the district…like a jet-propelled balloon

He ducked and dived and when he’d run…out of that odorous gas

Landed in the vestry…of the church…during morning Mass

That event is still remembered by the town…I’ll tell you why

Because on the day the district flooded…without a cloud in that sunny sky

When the wind blew fierce and people ran... now it’s come to pass

It really was just piss and wind…that ended the yoga class.